before and during in the middle
friend enemy myself my surroundings
I
can't
helpit
yes I can maybe
yes I can'tcan't
hopeless
nice the cure
twisted falling
I have to
I
have no
choice
I'm here and it's right
there
I'm wrong and it's right
if right is anvil crush my temples
why
is this like this the way it's so
the way it makes me
look at me here shaking like a freak
I don't want anyone to
see me
why do I become like this
happens to everyone right?
I won't let go I know
I know for sososososo
sure that this isn't right
right?
I won't let go of that sureness even if this
pulls my arms off and blinds me
no
thoughts can take it away
take me away from me
nothing helps me make it through I look around the room
I have nothing
to put my weight onto
nothing to hold nothing to focus on
I have no self no right I'm exposed
in front
of myself
and I want so badly to just stop
I want better I want to have never been here
anything
can be replaced
in 6 seconds
at the same time as
and if someone else
while it's dark and light and both
and slow then speeds
up so fast I'm lost drowning gasping
and leaves me so I can't speak
half is wait then half is run away then
the rest
which
is most if not
all
is grip as tightly as I can till I
pass out
make me feel okay I feel terrible
the wait
knowing
how it always happens
never ends well
never ends
memories of places are wrecked
I think being young is weird
cause
it's all I've ever been so far
I think about being old
and I don't want to keep going that far
I guess most people
just get used to this
I don't know if I want to
I don't know what happens when I die but I know whats happening right
now
I hate this I hate myself I want to say goodbye
I want to say the best the last good bye
like a disease spreading
a mold growing
I feel like I'm being swallowed up
I'm a useless waste
I'm a beautiful sunset
I'm a backwards arrow I'm a busy group of ants
I'm already this
I'm already horribly horribly
off
what I deserve equals what I can't control
and thats the worst I can think of
all those people in the world
all
those people in the world
all those people in this world
all the filth in this world
all the filth in this brain
all
the filth
me
I don't like telling the truth
unless it's something that makes me
look good
sometimes always nevernevrneverevrnevrnevrnevr
sitinchair b r e a t h
stareatwall t h i n k
memories f
e a r s
inawhile back to how I was
before
unless I do the things
I have some ways of coping but
wind
pushes over plank of wood
I remain filled until
lose a chance
sick and tired
mess up
oh well
