starting is hard

stay go past eyes in side out see behind
filled filth stick sickle stuck stripe
found sound round strife
slowly dripping sunlight hidden stifling
check consult attend pick up put down reply
when wehn nhew ewnh when?
me plus here equals today
Friday, September 22nd 2006
one month twelve months
eight months
how many more months
blew blind blue binders physical
rough rules write wrong ready more than that
desire kind of
wish for more or less
hope for somewhat
obsess over almost
step stop lisence listen give me everything to you
plead persist prefer more counting
next then future reference maternal list lift mend medical mercy offer
me go me walk me think over again
me plan me do me can't everything ruined
repeat
about one hour prior:
(in kitchen without tap water looking for something)
knock knock (shows police badge)
give tell show answer now!
don't know sir yes sir don't know here
(gives what he demands)
about one hour later:
still no tap water
what was I looking for?
this is what time does:
hums slips passes doesn't tell me anything
changes arranges enrages with no explanations
hooks me to appointments
halts when I need more-
half the time
heaves when want less
hurdles me off cliffs
hangs on the wall and wrists
harrasses until you bleed
this is what I do:
again
again
again
again
this is what YOU do:
I don't really know now do I!?!?
I
go now cause maybe
go now cause always
get up cause sometimes
get up cause usually
everyday blursblendsblots
noneday stops
if I asked "will it work if I try my best?" you'd say "yep"
and then push me into the mud and break my toys
if I asked "can I try my best now?" you'd lie
spin spurt spud siddle
is there a name for that oh yeah pitch fork
is there a use for that oh yeah digging up potatoes
to check if they're ripe yet or not
if they're green don't eat them this those thistle thumble thought
I didn't know normal people actually:
hired prostitutes
punched me in the chest
I don't understand how normal people actually:
do stuff that impresses me
I don't understand how normal
starting is easy but then
at least:
product
at least:
ocean
at least:
vision
at least:
for a little while
duct tape is very useful try it you'll see
my freezer is fulled up with frozed water
nothing fits cause all the ice takes up so much space
which is a shame because it freezes stuff very well like
think about it what would you do?
A. Lighter
tried it, doesn't work, takes long time, and melts very slowly
(I think it could be dangerous)
B. chip away with knife or hard object (shut up) tried it, doesn't work either cause it's like chipping away cement with cardboard
(which if you think about it would take so long)
C. ummmm. what else? well my other idea is pour really hot water in there but water will drip down and get everyone else's stuff all wet. (shared refrigerator, but no one uses the freezer cept fer me, probly cause it's all iced over. so tha freezer's pretty much mine.) I think it would work though. except how do you get the water to go up there at the top. You can't really pour upwards.
D. put a metal rod that's really hot like red hot like the kind of red hot metal rod you'd use if you were going to gouge out a captured prisoners eyes in order to get information or just general torture purposes up there into the freezer and poke the ice with it till it melts.
E. where do you expect me to get this "metal rod" and how do I heat it up? in the stove or oven you might say. too dangerous. plus I can't heat up a rod that I don't have.
F. hair dryer.
I like this one. problem: What makes you think I have a hair dryer? I don't have an anything-else dryer. If I see a cheap one for sale I'll consider it.
G. turn off freezer till everything melts. like I said, shared refrigerator/freezer with other people, so if they found out I had turned if off, they'd be annoyed with me because of their spoiled/not cold food items.
H. why am I still doing this? there are so many other things I should be doing besides documenting this sad one person brainstorm session in an embarrassingly one person type of way.
I. why do I still have to sing through the ABC's in my head in order to figure out which letter comes before or after another? is that normal? I don't think it is because I am exceptionally slow at looking things up in the dictionary.
J. I wish I had tap water. Even just a little tiny bit. I should go to the store and buy some stuff. That would make me happy. Just wandering around looking at groceries and boxes of things makes me happy. And I'll end up buying some fruit juice mixed with milk sooo good and oh yeah I finished the corn flakes this morning. And then there's that box of books for only one euro each in that book
store that I'd like to look at. I should really finish reading the books I already have first.
K. I really need to memorize my phone number. 630366181. I will break it down into three parts. The first part, 630, is like 530, the CP, etc. area code, but with a six. Part number two, 366, is like 666, the number of the beast, except with the first six changed to a 3, which is six devided by two, and also the number two number of part one, six THREE zero. The third and final part, 181, is like a snow man holding two spears, one spear for the battle of the beast, whose number is 366 if you devide the first number by two, and one for the battle of CP, whose area code is 630 if you replace the 5 with a six. Lets see if it worked. I will now close my eyes and picture the number in my head using the before mentioned memorization method, and then type it, without looking at the screen. Here we go, 650, no wait, 630, like cp, 366 181. So it's 630366181. Yep, it worked, I'm a genious.
Let me know if you ever want help memorizing a number, I'm really good at it.






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		stay go past eyes in side out see behind filled filth stick sickle stuck stripe found sound round strife slowly dripping sunlight hidden stifling check consult attend pick up put down reply when wehn nhew ewnh when? me plus here equals today Friday, September 22nd 2006 one month twelve months eight months how many more months blew blind blue binders physical rough rules write wrong ready more than that desire kind of wish for more or less hope for somewhat obsess over almost step stop lisence listen give me everything to you plead persist prefer more counting next then future reference maternal list lift mend medical mercy offer me go me walk me think over again me plan me do me can't everything ruined repeat about one hour prior: (in kitchen without tap water looking for something) knock knock (shows police badge) give tell show answer now! don't know sir yes sir don't know here (gives what he demands) about one hour later: still no tap water what was I looking for? this is what time does: hums slips passes doesn't tell me anything changes arranges enrages with no explanations hooks me to appointments halts when I need more- half the time heaves when want less hurdles me off cliffs hangs on the wall and wrists harrasses until you bleed this is what I do: again again again again this is what YOU do: I don't really know now do I!?!? I go now cause maybe go now cause always get up cause sometimes get up cause usually everyday blursblendsblots noneday stops if I asked "will it work if I try my best?" you'd say "yep" and then push me into the mud and break my toys if I asked "can I try my best now?" you'd lie spin spurt spud siddle is there a name for that oh yeah pitch fork is there a use for that oh yeah digging up potatoes to check if they're ripe yet or not if they're green don't eat them this those thistle thumble thought I didn't know normal people actually: hired prostitutes punched me in the chest I don't understand how normal people actually: do stuff that impresses me I don't understand how normal starting is easy but then at least: product at least: ocean at least: vision at least: for a little while duct tape is very useful try it you'll see my freezer is fulled up with frozed water nothing fits cause all the ice takes up so much space which is a shame because it freezes stuff very well like think about it what would you do? A. Lighter tried it, doesn't work, takes long time, and melts very slowly (I think it could be dangerous) B. chip away with knife or hard object (shut up) tried it, doesn't work either cause it's like chipping away cement with cardboard (which if you think about it would take so long) C. ummmm. what else? well my other idea is pour really hot water in there but water will drip down and get everyone else's stuff all wet. (shared refrigerator, but no one uses the freezer cept fer me, probly cause it's all iced over. so tha freezer's pretty much mine.) I think it would work though. except how do you get the water to go up there at the top. You can't really pour upwards. D. put a metal rod that's really hot like red hot like the kind of red hot metal rod you'd use if you were going to gouge out a captured prisoners eyes in order to get information or just general torture purposes up there into the freezer and poke the ice with it till it melts. E. where do you expect me to get this "metal rod" and how do I heat it up? in the stove or oven you might say. too dangerous. plus I can't heat up a rod that I don't have. F. hair dryer. I like this one. problem: What makes you think I have a hair dryer? I don't have an anything-else dryer. If I see a cheap one for sale I'll consider it. G. turn off freezer till everything melts. like I said, shared refrigerator/freezer with other people, so if they found out I had turned if off, they'd be annoyed with me because of their spoiled/not cold food items. H. why am I still doing this? there are so many other things I should be doing besides documenting this sad one person brainstorm session in an embarrassingly one person type of way. I. why do I still have to sing through the ABC's in my head in order to figure out which letter comes before or after another? is that normal? I don't think it is because I am exceptionally slow at looking things up in the dictionary. J. I wish I had tap water. Even just a little tiny bit. I should go to the store and buy some stuff. That would make me happy. Just wandering around looking at groceries and boxes of things makes me happy. And I'll end up buying some fruit juice mixed with milk sooo good and oh yeah I finished the corn flakes this morning. And then there's that box of books for only one euro each in that book store that I'd like to look at. I should really finish reading the books I already have first. K. I really need to memorize my phone number. 630366181. I will break it down into three parts. The first part, 630, is like 530, the CP, etc. area code, but with a six. Part number two, 366, is like 666, the number of the beast, except with the first six changed to a 3, which is six devided by two, and also the number two number of part one, six THREE zero. The third and final part, 181, is like a snow man holding two spears, one spear for the battle of the beast, whose number is 366 if you devide the first number by two, and one for the battle of CP, whose area code is 630 if you replace the 5 with a six. Lets see if it worked. I will now close my eyes and picture the number in my head using the before mentioned memorization method, and then type it, without looking at the screen. Here we go, 650, no wait, 630, like cp, 366 181. So it's 630366181. Yep, it worked, I'm a genious. Let me know if you ever want help memorizing a number, I'm really good at it.







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